Trauma responses are used to ensure the survival of a species. However, when these responses no longer serve us, they can become detrimental to our health and well-being. Trauma, just like beliefs, traditions, air looms, DNA and hereditary conditions can be passed down from one generation to the next. A person can experience the trauma even if they were not directly subjected to the actual event or era in which it occurred. The field of generational trauma is being greatly studied and new information is constantly coming to the surface. The new children’s film, Encanto- which won many awards, highlights the concept of generational trauma quite significantly. The film has contributed to a conversation that wasn’t possible until recently. Encanto highlights generational trauma and how it affects families. People today are experiencing high levels of anxiety, stress and panic without fully knowing where these emotions are originating from.
How much intergenerational trauma have you experienced? How much of it have you seen in your family and how did it affect you as a child or even as an adult? How often do you see yourself acting out a scenario that caused you grief or pain in childhood and yet you can’t help but recreate a similar pattern? Perhaps you don’t even believe that such a phenomenon exists, that if you had to acknowledge its’ existence would change the way you view yourself and the world around you.
It wasn’t until I had my own kids that I started to see how much generational baggage I was carrying and so were my parents before me. The aim of understanding this type of issue is to create a solution to a lifelong problem that has negative effects on mental health and families- NOT to blame or disempower parents. People parent the only way they know how and with the tools that they have in that moment. The joy of parenting is that you’re still growing and learning- with each passing year you become more skilled and talented than you were before. Oftentimes people will speak how strict or harsh parents were with the eldest compared to the last born. How birth ordering plays such a huge role in personality development. Why do parents change their parenting styles so drastically as time goes by? Is it because they discover that the same methods they were exposed to- no longer work in an ever-changing society or is it that they realise what is more valuable? The right or wrong of this society or the pure unconditional love that you hope to show your child and that you oh so desperately craved when you were growing up? Either way we realise that patterns, thoughts, trauma and ways of being are definitely passed down from parent to child and that only through acknowledging this and facing the difficulties that may arise with this type of insight we can begin to shift our conscious thoughts into a more present and pure way of living.
True change in breaking this cycle can only occur when we heal ourselves in order to be better parents to our children. When we heal our anxiety, so that they don’t feel the need to carry it for us… The more we highlight these patterns and recreate a different way of being, the more we fracture the never-ending trauma cycle. We set ourselves free from the constant loop that has always governed our minds and thoughts. Some people are able to do this without having their own kids- for me it was raising a child that truly opened up a different possibility to parenting and what unconditional love can feel like. How allowance in any relationship is key- that judgement can only hinder and all will loose in the end. That gratitude can heal even the most broken relationships and that vibration within that feeling is far greater than the intensity created by anger and resentment. When you approach any person with gratitude and allowance all possibilities can be seen to create the best possible outcome for both parties involved. With judgement there needs to be a winner- and where one wins and one loses in a relationship- there will always be two losers.
Truth when attending therapy or therapy for your child is pertinent in understanding both parents’ history and ways of parenting in relation to their child. The more honest the approach- the more radical change can be. Children need a safe physical environment in which to heal- one that’s filled with nurturing and soft physical touch. Positive reinforcement and constant affirmations of encouragement and praise will help create a platform for growth and understanding. What would you be like today if you experienced true unconditional love and nurturing? What would your inner voice say to you daily about your abilities and physical appearance? How much easier would it be for you to show your child or partner love and nurturing without judgment? To just be in complete allowance of them and them for you? What would it be like to live in a space of gratitude instead of judgement of you, your partner, your parents and your kids? What would it take for you to have complete allowance and gratitude for your parents and all that they are- how much freedom and healing could that create in your world?
In concluding, generational trauma can be hindering your life and your relationships. The first step is to acknowledge what aspects need shifting in your life and to start with just being grateful for everyone around you. The challenge would be to find one thing with each person close to you to be grateful for- without any judgement of them. How light and refreshing does that feel? Now, find something to be grateful for within yourself- all judgements aside. Breath that in and just sit with it for a while.
If you would like to work on a deeper level and see what else is possible for you or your family- book a personalised consult and start the process today.
For more information visit: www.vivifyyou.com
With love,
Jasmine.
